We have all experienced situations where we are with a friend, and they run into an old friend and start to reminisce about their past. You witness the shared emotions, cadence, language, and pace, while most likely feeling left out. When in a conversational flow state like this, the rhythm, language, and pace can leave virtually no space for contributors who do not share the experiences. In fact, the rhythm can be so synchronous that it seems as though they are finishing each other’s sentences.

Feeling like a third wheel can happen at work when two people have similar experiences, points of view, language, education, and values. To join a work conversation under these circumstances, you may decide to adopt a similar mode of communicating. Otherwise, you will most likely get the sense that you are interrupting even though, unwittingly, they may be in the throes of groupthink, and merely tolerating your input. As a leader, it is important for us to discern when we are contributing to a closed mode of communicating. Sometimes this dynamic isn’t intentional, it could be that the speakers are in a comfort zone.

There are many circumstances where this can happen at work. As an example, let’s explore this dynamic from a left-brained, right-brained perspective. Those who are predominantly left brained favour rational, linear thought. Those who are more right brained are more creative. They process information using multiple senses and then communicate at their pace being comfortable with non-linearity and divergent ideas.

When right-brained thinkers/creatives formulate a response, it comes forward, it may appear to be aligned with the trajectory of the conversation, or not. It may be clear at first, or not. When right brained thinkers are in a dominant left brained environment, conversations can easily progress along a linear path and when divergent thinkers share  out-of-the-box idea after the conversation moved on, they can seem disruptive because they are cutting off the current trajectory. The good news is that it may be necessary, the bad news is that others may have bought into the direction of the conversation and view you as unnecessarily disruptive.

When you experience circumstances where there are homogenous styles among the dominant communicators and asynchronous thinking and communication styles among the listeners, it is important to become aware of the power dynamics. In cases like this, relationship, referent, or expert power can create a hard-to-penetrate bubble that includes only those who conform with the values, style, and experiences of the dominant communicators.  The trouble is, this is a recipe for group-think.

Yvette Bethel is a speaker, author, thought leader and CEO at Organizational Soul.  She views organizations as living ecosystems that have the potential to operate optimally, according to their unique purposes. Yvette offers training and tools you can use to build trust, culture and leaders within your organization.